Miley Cyrus.

For a few years, there seemed to be a lacking of wholesome, tween-friendly celebrity role models in the world. Girls as young as ten and eleven were looking up to scandalous, moral-hating, BELLY-BUTTON EXPOSING women such as Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera. Just before things could get any worse, a light beckoned down from the heavens and graced us with none other than....

MILEY CYRUS.

Young, innocent, pure Miley. Daughter of one-hit-wonder Billy Ray Cyrus, she hit the scene on the Disney Channel hit show, Hannah Montana. And little girlies everywhere freaked. Some say that the merch sold purely from the Hannah Montana empire saved the economy from hitting "depression" status.

And then...something happened. Maybe it was the Disney Channel curse. Just look at Brit and Xtina. But no one expected it from loveable, giggly, baby-toothed Miles. While some people think that she was just a growing, teenage girl who was discovering her body for the first time...others called it Myspace. Suddenly, the pictures were everywhere. Not just of Smiley Miley in her pool, but pictures of her lifting her shirt to expose her Limited Too training bra, and laying on BOY'S LAPS! Mothers everywhere united, protesting Hannah Montana and her dirty, dirty deeds.
(Image courtesy of HotGossip.com)

Since the leaking of these photos, Miley has been the center of many tabloid controversies. And since I am on a roll here, let's make a list, shall we?

• The scandalous Vanity Fair photoshoot, wherein Miley posed "topless"
• Photo of Miley purposefully slanting her eyes, causing mass hysteria in the Asian community
• Hannah Montana Chocolate Granola bars being recalled due to suspected salmonella contamination
• Miley Cyrus Fan Club members being snubbed out of promised "first dibs" on concert tickets
• 16-year-old Miley dates 21-year-old Justin Gaston, a model who has recently posed in various sexual poses and magazines.
• Miley causes a stir in the gay community when she takes over Disneyland for her "Sweet 16" during what is usually the annual Gay Day.

(Image courtesy of Vanity Fair.)

I literally could go on for at least 84 more bullets, but I think you get the drift.

Hannah Montana. Miley Cyrus. Whoever you are, I rate you two stars, because no one else on earth has caused this much drama before they were legally able to drive. No one.

★★